


Wildest Fantasies

by theimaginesyouneveraskedfor



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 15:27:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15270498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor/pseuds/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor
Summary: A short request I did on Tumblr: The reader tries to figure out why the Durin brothers have been avoiding her, leading to a rather surprising confrontation.





	Wildest Fantasies

The Durin princes were always up to something, but their recent evasiveness was foreboding. Usually, even in their more troublesome moods, they were near. Always in your ear recounting their latest antics. You were the reluctant third in their trio but it had oft saved you from being a victim.

Yet, for the last three days, they had blatantly avoided you; walking the other way when they saw your in the corridor, keeping your conversations short, and just generally acting cold. It was so unlike them but you couldn’t detain them long enough to figure out what had happened. They may have been pests, but they were your pests.

The closest you could get to the devilish duo was their uncle. Thorin looked quite annoyed when you approached him in the throne room. That was often a sign he had recently dealt with his nephews, or at least one of their tricks. You noticed as you got nearer that he was hiding his hand under his cloak.

“What have they done this time?” You asked with dread.

“Don’t act as if you weren’t in on it,” He grumbled, “I know your games.”

“Honest, Thorin, I’ve not had more than five minutes with your nephews in the last few days,” You sighed, “I’m starting to think they’ve set a trap for me and are just waiting for it to spring.”

“Now you know how I feel,” He slowly pulled his hands out, revealing his pitch black palms, “They rigged my inkwell to burst.”

“Oh, mmmm,” You mumbled pitifully, “I told them that was a mean one. I thought they had changed their minds.”

“So you did know?” He questioned darkly.

“Well, they came up with it months ago but I argued against it and…they had intended it for Ori,” You frowned, “I’ll be careful with my own well.”

“Perhaps it is time you face the comeuppance for your assistance in their tomfoolery,” He chided.

Footsteps neared from the corridor and you turned as the royal princes appeared, their boots scraping as they tried to right their course and retreat back the way they had come. It was too late as their uncle’s voice echoed across the chamber and he ordered them to stay. They seemed ready to disobey but Thorin stood and began to tramp towards them, assuring them that running would do little but feed his ire.

You followed the king as he neared his nephews, hoping it would afford you the opportunity to figure out what mire had risen between you. You were becoming paranoid that you had done something to spoil the friendship,  _but what?_  You had been inseparable since those days you had journeyed together in reclaiming the Mountain.

“You two little rats,” Thorin grabbed both of them by their collars, “I ought to drag you before you mother and have her spank you like the children you are.”

“Uncle, it was just–”

“Ridiculous! Impish!” Thorin was nearly yelling, “Fili, you are heir to the throne but I wouldn’t trust you to sit my commode. And Kili…I couldn’t even strangle your brother for the fact that you are next in line.”

“Please, Thorin,” You pleaded, “I think you’ve scared them enough.”

“I should knock their heads together,” He fumed but slowly released them, “Don’t you even think of running,” He warned with a growl, “Why are you not speaking with Y/N? I should think you owe it to her after she’s saved you my wrath.”

“What? We’re…speaking to her,” Kili fumbled and Fili’s cheeks burned a bright red.

“She tells me you’ve been avoiding her and you two can’t afford to lose your only friend,” He reprimanded.

“Well, we’re not,” Fili’s voice was almost shrill, “We love Y/N. Well, I mean, like a fr–”  
“Fili had a sex dream!” Kili blurted out hastily. “He’s all weirded out.”

“S-sex dream?” Fili’s tone was only getting higher and higher, “About  _you_?” His eyes flicked between you and Thorin, “Nah…it was about, uh, my uncle!”

“What in Mahal?” Thorin groaned.

“That’s worse, Fi,” Kili’s embarrassment had turned to amusement, “Better to just admit it.”

“It was just a dream, right?” You said soothingly, “That doesn’t mean anything. Why, I dreamt once I married a dragon and you don’t see me engaged to Smaug.”

“I–I guess,” Fili bared his teeth in a strained smile, “Just a dream.”

“Well,” Thorin crossed his arms, a flicker of glee behind his eyes, “This was better punishment than I could’ve hope for.”

“Shut up, Thorin,” Fili retorted.

“Oh, you just wait til Dwalin hears about this,” The king teased, “He’ll get a kick out of it after you shredded all his socks.”

“Well…” Fili was at a loss and huffed like a child as his uncle passed him with a pat on the shoulder, “Whatever. It was only a dream…” He peeked at you shyly, “Nothing to worry about, I swear.”


End file.
